So we have bashed the gym goers...twice. We have bashed bachelorette parties. We have yet to bash Corporate America and the idiots who think Casual Friday means throwing a baby-doll cardigan over their see-through, cleavage-enhancing tank so that their look magically transforms from day to night! I literally come to work in the mornings dreading what I may see on some people. And I am not just talking abuout the young women in the workplace; the middle-aged ones are just as bad, if not worse. And then men are equally guilty in their own rights. I want to paint mental images for you so that you can bask in the glory of what I see each and every day!
Please remember - I in no way think that I am a fashion goddess or a member of the fashion police. I certainly have my moments, but in general, I like to think that I have a pretty good grasp on what is appropriate both on my body, and at the office.
Let's start with the easy targets - the 20-something females. For some reason, these girls have a hard time transitioning from attention-grabbing attire (you know the kind that would get you free drinks in a bar), to work-appropriate clothing (the kind that makes you look competent and professional). Maybe its because they don't have money yet to buy work clothes. If thats the case, then I can let it slide for the first 6 weeks, get a couple pay checks, then splurge!! Or maybe they don't know any better. If it's your first "real job" out of school, maybe you don't know that its completely inappropriate to wear a miniskirt, 4-inch heels, and a spaghetti strap tank-top. Or a tube top dress!! YES! Seen it with my own eyes. After a few days of looking like a go-go dancer while your peers are dressed for success, you would think you'd get the hint. Sadly, this is not always the case. There are still those 20-somethings that insist on rocking it like its Saturday night in Vegas- skin tight denim and a bare-back top. But let me tell you, there will come a day that you no longer dress for the men and you start dressing for the ladies. In the mornings now, I will pick out an outfit that I think women will come up to me and say "Wow, don't you look cute?" or "I love that shirt!" I don't care what the men think anymore; as long as the women are happy, I did my job.
Next culprits, the 20-something men. I am sorry, but aren't the days of sagging your pants long-gone? I could have sworn 2004 called and wants their beltless cargo pants back!! I am disgusted to see this look at the mall on a weekend. I am even more disgusted to see a boy walking around the office with his legs stick straight because if he bends his knees then his pants are going to fall to his ankles. It's unbelievable really. And then there is the "distressed" jean! I have to be honest, I am a fan of distressed pants. I think the look is cute and trendy. However, I find it completely ridiculous to see a boy at work with holey jeans; or even worse, the fraying edges on a pair of jeans that have been stepped on too many times! Ever heard of a tailor? Guess what - they can actually hem your pant leg so that you aren't stepping on them all day. Novel concept. So men, please wear a nice pair of jeans and a belt. Thank you!
Moving right along to the middle-aged women. I love seeing a middle-aged woman dress trendy - a nice pair of jeans, a fitted blazer, and a cute pair of heels. Awesome! And I am happy to say that there are some very cute and well-put together women that work with me. Unfortunately, I seem to run into the complete opposite more often than not. There are ladies that, I honestly believe, took their outfits from their high school daughter's closet. They look absolutely ridiculous. The shirts are too low cut, their pants are way too tight, and they can't walk in a pair of heels to save their lives. And the hilarity of it all is that they think they are attracting the right attention. Little do they know, they appear delusional and desperate. Ladies, dress for your age (and your body type). No one can see the tag, so buy something that fits and work it!!
The last group that I must pick on are the middle-aged men. Now, they are not nearly as bad as the women are (both the twenty-somethings and the others), but they deserve a little attention. First up, their denim! Gentlemen - there is so much to be said for a nice pair of jeans. Light-colored denim is making a comeback, however, for Casual Fridays (or even a nice dinner out with your wife) a dark pair of designer jeans can work wonders! Now I understand spending $100+ on a pair of jeans seems ridiculous, but think of the upside. Your a** will most likely look phenomenal, and you can't put a price tag on that. But, even a nice pair of jeans does not make a Hawaiian button-down cool. I am sorry, but we work in the Midwest, not in Honolulu, so there is just no reason for such a breezy shirt. Yuck! And one more thought - white tube socks should be banned at all times, unless you are at the gym...just saying.
So, in short, denim really could be an allegory of life; there are the tight jeans, the baggy jeans, and the jeans that fit just right, all of which are appropriate at various times in our lives. It's up to us to determine the relevance of these jeans and to rock them at just the right time.
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