Gone Fishing...

I am sure you have heard the proverb, "Give a man a fish. and he'll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat for a life time."  It's so beautiful isn't it?  It teaches us that if simply hand something to someone it is only a temporary fix, but if we teach someone how to problem-solve or how to do something, then they should be set for life, right?  Sometimes. 

 

In theory, teaching someone to do something is preferred over doing it for them.  This instills knowledge into people.  It helps you master whatever it is you are teaching because if you are able to explain a concept to someone else clearly, then you must truly understand the material.  Then there is a snowball effect.  Once this person learns, then they teach someone else, and that someone teaches someone else, and so on and so forth.  Knowledge can be easily spread that way.  That is the "perfect scenario" situation.  This strategy works very well for young people in a school setting; a structured environment with flexible due dates and many people who can help.

 

However, I see it a little differently now that I am an adult.  First off, teaching adults anything is MUCH more difficult than teaching children - been there, done that.  Adults are so stuck in their ways and think they know everything, that when you try to teach them something new or different they get scared and shut down, or they get sassy.  If a man has been given a fish his whole life, then they are very unwilling to learn to fish because frankly, they think they have found the golden ticket - someone to provide them what they need forever.  They think that if they get the fish handed to them, then there is no reason for them to learn to do it on their own.  I have also found that it could takes hours or days to teach an adult what it takes a few moments to teach a child.   So after spending countless hours teaching a man to fish, I find that man is good for a day or two.  But then that man decides to take some vacation days and on this vacation, this man chooses not to practice fishing, but to completely forget everything he had learned before he left.  The man comes back to the office his boss asks him to bring him some fish, and the man has already forgotten how to do it!  So what does the man do?  He comes back to me and asks me to teach him how to fish...again.  And you would think that this man would have some remembrance of learning a few weeks back, but no.  It is like starting from square one - this is a pole, this is a line, etc.  We use this lesson to get the fish that the boss had asked for, the man thinks he's good to go, why?  Because I just got the damn fish for him while he was "learning."  Awesome.

 

Scenario number 2 for adults - we are able to break through the "I don't want to learn this stupid sport of fishing" barrier, and the man decides he actually likes to fish.  So he practices.  And practices.  And practices.  Until finally one day, he calls you up and starts asking you a million questions about fishing.  He wants to know the whys?  The whats?  The hows?  The "are you sures?"  He becomes overly confident and wants to learn more.  So now the man is coming back for follow-up lessons.  He wants Advanced Fishing Training.  Well, I don't know about you, but I hadn't intended on making my day job teaching and reteaching and assisting you with learning how to fish better or more efficiently.  I don't need this new self-proclaimed expert fisherman coming back to me asking me for more training.  I can't help but think, had I just done the fishing for him, then maybe he wouldn't be coming back to me with follow-up questions.  Isn't that terrible??  I don't want to help someone because I am afraid they are going to keep coming back and coming back and coming back for more.  It's like if you are one of the five recipients on an email, you never want to be the first to respond for fear that you may now own the responsibility for finding the solution to this email.  Same concept (sort of).

 

So maybe I am an enabler?  If I don't teach someone how to do something, then they will never learn.  And they will keep coming to me to ask me to do it for them.  Sure it may only take 5 minutes to help, but 5 minutes every time someone asks could add up.  On the other side of the coin, if I teach someone how to do it for themselves, that may take some initial time upfront, but I should be able to view this as an investment; an investment into them becoming self-sufficient, and leaving me the hell alone.  I don't think there is a perfect solution to this predicament.  I think it is completely dependent on the person who needs help.  If you think the person is competent and not all that annoying, go ahead and teach the guy to fish.  But if the thought of teaching a specific person how to fish causes you to want to scream, or cuss, or throw something, then go ahead and give the guy a fish; save yourself the agony. 

 

And if all else fails and you simply don't want to be bothered with either task, simply put up the sign outside your desk that says, "Gone Fishing..."

People are a$$holes, but Karma is a B!tch

Some people are a$$holes.

Just when I think there is a chance that everyone is inherently good and they just sometimes make evil decisions, I am presented with a dose of reality, and a friendly reminder that nope; there are some people out there that are definitely jerks.  Case in point…

It has been unseasonably warm here in Chicago, so I was planning on grilling some hamburgers that evening.  I stopped at the grocery store to pick up two buns…literally two.  I got in line to check out with my two buns (sure, go ahead, insert some stupid joke about my buns here), and the woman in front of me is already in the process of unloading her cart.  She looks back at me, sees my buns (cue joke #2), and instantly tells me to go in front of her in line.  I told her I was perfectly fine waiting my turn, but she insisted, saying “I would want someone to do this for me.  Go ahead.  It’s fine!”  I walked past her, thanking her incessantly, and proceeded to purchase my buns.  I left the store with the feeling that maybe people are good.  I mean, ‘tis the season, right?

Wrong.  Two days later I am back at the same grocery store.  I am walking around with my “everyone is awesome” attitude which was still lingering from the last positive experience I had had at the store.  I park myself in an Express check-out line – 15 items or less.  The store is incredibly crowded on this day as it was just before the holidays.  All of the lines were long, so it really didn’t matter where I went; I only had about 6 items, so an express lane seemed like the perfect spot for me.  The store manager was monitoring the chaos, and actually approached the woman across from me in the adjacent Express Lane.  Her cart did stand out from everyone else’s cart.  Why?  Because it was literally overflowing.  She definitely had way more than allowed item limit for this line.  She was in the middle of chatting on her cell phone (see digression in the next paragraph), so she wasn’t paying much attention to begin with, but the manager made his move.

As a side note: it drives me absolutely crazy when people are grocery shopping on their cell phones.  They walk through the aisles without paying any attention, slowly browsing.  That is NOT how I grocery shop.  I basically grocery shop like I am on the game show “Super Market Sweep!”   Remember that show?  I am practically running down the aisles grabbing everything I need and nothing more.  I know the lay out of the store so I design my shopping list accordingly.  I do not screw around when it comes to grocery shopping.  So there are the people who talk while shopping, and then there are the people who continue to talk while checking out, using one hand to unload a heaping shopping cart, one item at a time.  Put the phone down and unload your cart so I can get on with my day, alright!?  So keeping that in mind, you can imagine how annoyed I was with the woman across from me already.

Anyways, the manager says to the woman, “ma’am, this is actually an Express Lane…” and without missing a beat, the woman looks at him, clearly taken aback that someone would say something to her, “this is 15 items.”  He looked at her puzzled, but decided to leave her alone.  He must have known that she was a loose cannon, and I applaud him for getting the hell out of dodge!  The couple that was standing behind this snippy woman was clearly agitated that she was blatantly ignoring the established maximums for this line, but quietly kept to themselves, or so I thought.  All of a sudden I hear, “16, 17, 18, 19” and I instantly knew what was happening.  The agitated couple was counting how many items the annoying woman had in her cart, proving to her, and to everyone around, that this woman was in fact in the wrong line.  Instead of apologizing, or approaching the situation with her proverbial tail between her legs, the annoying woman chimed in with the counting, “20, 21, 22…” I could believe my eyes!  These were grown adults acting like children.

Two days earlier, I was thrilled with the fact that people have the ability to be kind and thoughtful towards one another.  Now today, I was appalled at the immaturity and the self-centeredness that was taking place, thus reaffirming the fact that people can seriously be jerks.  I am certainly not an angel all the time, but I definitely felt the whole “pay it forward” vibe come over me after the lady at the check out counter let me cut her line.  After the ridiculous display of immaturity I witnessed the next day, I still felt the desire to be a better human than they were being…but I secretly hoped that they had been keyed or a shopping cart dinged their bumper while they were in the store.

In short, be kind to one another…and let Karma take care of the a$$holes.

Happy Weekend.

Attention Doctors: Buy a watch that works!

‘Tis the season for illness, or so it seems.  I honestly think that one in every three people is sick right now.  Okay, so my study is in no way scientific, but just by looking around the office (and listening), I definitely think I am on to something.  Maybe it’s this weather?  One minute we are in the arctic tundra and the next minute I am running around wearing only a sweatshirt and no jacket.  This up and down with the temperature cannot bode well for our overall health.  Also, it doesn’t help that the holidays are extremely busy and filled with family and friends who are very germy (no offense to my family and friends…you are all beautiful and healthy.  I definitely caught my sickness from Mother Nature and not you people).  But with sickness, comes the need to visit the dreaded Doctor.

Now, not all doctors are dreaded.  Many of them are pleasant and nice to be around.  They are professionals with personalities.  They, even if they are not, tend to be interested in you and want to try and make you feel better.  They clearly love their jobs and they enjoy taking care of people.  We all know that there are doctors out there that are not so friendly.  They are a little more miserable; a little less willing to hear you out.  They are not as concerned with your ailments because in their mind you are coming in with the same issue as the guy before you and everyone after you as well.  But the personalities are not what make the doctor so dreaded.  I have dealt with nasty people before, and you just have to kill them with kindness.  So no, I am not turned off with going to the doctor because of the mean ones.  I dread going to the doctor because, no matter how personable they are, doctors always run late!!!

I realize this might be an overgeneralization, and I may be only speaking from personal experience, but I am telling you, it doesn’t matter which doctors office I go to, or which doctor I see, I will never, ever be seen on time.  You call to make the appointment and the receptionist takes down your information.  They confirm your appointment time, and then they end the conversation with “be sure and arrive a few minutes early.”  WHY??  So I can sit in your germ-infested waiting area and read your germ-infested magazines or fill out paperwork with your germ-infested pens?  But being the reliable patient that I am, I always arrive early.  Dumb.

Every time a physician’s assistant comes out to call someone’s name, you look up and make eye contact.  It’s as if they are taunting you.  “Maybe the name on my clipboard is yours?  And maybe it isn’t.  You’ll have to just wait and see…muahahahaha.”  Name after name is called and none of them are yours.  Finally, you hear your name, you stand up and you are escorted into the back.  They take you into one of the exam rooms where they ask you why you’re here, never once looking up from their, now, laptop computers.  They take your temperature; check your heart rate, then your pulse.  Once their done they say the six words you know mean absolutely nothing: “The doctor will be in shortly.”  You just want to stand up and shout…LIAR!  The doctor is never in shortly.  If they were being honest, they should say something like “The doctor knows you are not feeling well, but you are not sick enough for him to rush in here.  Chances are we are going to give you a Z-pack and send you on your way.  But, we must make you wait because that’s how we do it around here.”  Then the truth unfolds…the doc comes in, gives you a once over, and prescribes a Z-pack.  Done and done.  So why then, does it take so long to go through the motions?

It has to make you wonder that maybe running late is a requirement to get your degree in medical school?  You think?  Maybe there is a class that doctor’s take in college where running late is the only objective, and in doing so, you pass!  I think the only reason I can come to these ridiculous conclusions is a) because it happens more often than not, and b) its just disrespectful.  Whether or not the doctor feels this way or not, it makes the patient feel like their time is less valuable. 

So, to all my friends out there in medical school – first off, you rock!  I am proud to say you are my friend and that you are going through this much schooling to make the world a healthier, better place.  For this, I am grateful.  And secondly, get a watch; probably a really expensive and rich watch because you are making bank, but get one.  Your patients will appreciate your timeliness, and won’t dread visiting you so much.  Trust me.  Happy watch shopping!

Happy New Year! Now get off my treadmill...

Happy 2012!  We have officially started a new year, which in turn means, a clean slate, right?  A fresh start.  We forget the hardships and the tough times of the past, and we focus on optimism for the future.  And for 90% of people out there, optimism is synonymous with "weight loss."  It's like a bad ACT question: realistic is to weight maintenance as optimism is to weight loss.  And how do people plan on losing said weight?  By joining a gym...MY gym!  YOUR gym!  OUR gyms!  I am by no means a gym rat, but I do make an appearance every once in a while - and lately is been more frequent (insert pat on back and maybe a little slow clap here).  For the last few months, my hubby and I have had no trouble finding two treadmills next to one another as we do a little casual jogging side-by-side; we could mosey to the free-weight section and easily find a spot to pump some iron (yupp, it sounded as stupid in writing as it did in my head...oh well).  But now, because the calendar reads 01/xx/2012, its a totally different game...and it sucks.

So let's start with my Positive Public Service Announcement - it is awesome that people use the new year as an opportunity to get in shape and make good decisions.  There is no better time like the present to become more active, to challenge yourself, to make a life change.  I fully condone people improving their lives...even if it means a little bit of a wait at the gym to get on a treadmill.  Now, here comes the Realist Perspective - simply stepping foot in the gym is not going to help you lose weight!  You have to actually do something to see change!  Nothing drives me more crazy than people walking around aimlessly, barely breaking a sweat, and gossiping.  There is a good chance they are talking about how losing weight is their New Years Resolution.  How about you, instead of talking about losing weight, kick the treadmill up to a 6.0 and you get your heart rate up!?

New Years Resolutions are kind of silly if you ask me.  I mean, if you are making bad life choices (eating unhealthy foods, not exercising), maybe you should make the change immediately, and not wait for the first of the year to roll around.  If you are miserable with your job, maybe you should start looking for a new one sooner rather than later.  In theory, if you are unhappy with some aspect of your life, why wait until the calendar changes to do something about it?  And even then, are you truly motivated to make the change?  Or are you simply saying you want to do it because everyone else is?  If you were not motivated on December 31st to make a life change, why then, does the game change come January 1st? 

I am just as guilty of it; not with weight loss (let's face it, that to me is a lost cause, and I have learned to accept it), but with other things.  My New Years Resolution is to really try and take a moment's pause to enjoy life.  Everyday I am rushing around, going through the motions, and I miss out on some of the really cool things that take place if you move at a more healthy, slower pace.  I will also try not to fear change.  I am usually pretty good at pretending to be comfortable with it, but truthfully, I can't stand change.  Being in a routine is my safe, happy place.  When that gets shaken up, I tend to freak out a little bit.  So now, I pose the same question to myself - if I was moving at a fast pace on December 31st, why then, on January 1st am I suddenly going to be motivated to slow down?  Let's just say if you get the right kick in the pants at the right time from the right person, that will motivate you to do just about anything!  :)

So good luck all you weight-loss junkies; all you "I am gonna get a hobby" people; all you "shop-a-holics" turned celebate (in your own right).  I applaud you for recognizing that a change needs to be made, and I am hopeful that you can stick to it.  But do me a favor ... stay off my treadmill!