The direct correlation between number of shoes and decision-making

My name is Jennifer Andre, and I am a shoe-a-holic.  Maybe if it I say it enough I will believe it, and then seek treatment.  But truthfully, I don’t want help!  I just want more money, so I can feed the habit.  I know I am not alone in this horrible addiction.  I know this because I have been in many of your closets and I have seen the aftermath of an online shopping binge.  But although some women’s obsession with shoes may flirt with the line of unhealthy, we deserve sympathy from our men when we are getting ready.  I don’t think men understand how difficult it is to pick the perfect pair of shoes.  There is a direct correlation between number of shoes and decision-making abilities.  Women with an infinite number of shoes are actually incredible decision-makers.  You’ll see what I mean.  Keep reading…

I was taking inventory of my shoe situation over the weekend, and I felt the need to justify some of what I was seeing.  For instance, I have over 10 pairs of black pumps – two pairs are identical…literally the same pair – and the rest are unique in their own right.  Now men, not to underestimate you, but chances are most of you wouldn’t know the difference between them.  And that’s okay.  Lucky for you, there aren’t a whole of acceptable options out there for you anyways; there are some seriously ugly men’s shoes out there, and god bless the men that don’t have a) fashion sense or b) a woman to make those decisions for them. 

Men pretty much need 5 pairs of shoes to get them through life (you should know by now, that I am just making generalizations and I know not every man can get away with 5 pairs of shoes.  I am trying to make a fairly comical point here, so stay with me): casual brown shoes, dressy brown shoes, casual black shoes, dressy black shoes, and gym shoes.  Now I know that this is not at all fact-based, and it is certainly not based on my husband’s closet.  He has the addiction as bad as I do when it comes to shoes, but his obsession goes through ebbs and flows.  Not mine.  Mine is a constant devil on my shoulder that I just don’t want to quiet.

Women, on the other hand, need multiple pairs of “the same shoe.”  For instance black pumps; allow me to explain.  Women have pants of all different lengths; it just happens, especially if you are flirting with the five-foot line like I am.  I don’t want to get every pair of pants I own tailored, so I just buy a pair of shoes that I can wear so the pants don’t touch the ground.  So, for pant-length, heels must have varying heights; we need low, medium, high, and SUPER high heels, all of which are worn with different pants, and for different occasions.

But heel height is not the only factor.  On top that, we must then work through the shape of the toe!  Does the pant look better with a round-toe?  Or maybe a pointy-toe?  Does the pant need a high heel and a platform, or just a high heel?  Is it cold out?  Should you consider wearing boots?  Are the boots pointy or round?  Are they knee-high boots or booties?  Those are the types of questions that go through my head each and every time I leave the house.  And that is just referring to the black shoes.  We have to go through the same process when you change your shirt, and now a brown shoe would look better.  The questions start flying again – and brown is tough because there are so many different shades of brown.  We aren’t even going to tackle brown in today’s blog.

And then there is the consideration of where you are going, especially on the weekends.  If you are going “out,” then you have to decide if the evening is calling for form or function?  If you are going to a bar, where you will most likely be sitting down, then you can wear either shoe.  But if the bar is grungy, then you definitely will wear the old pair of comfy black pumps - function.  If the bar is nice, and you will be sitting on a trendy stool, then rocking the uncomfy, but adorable stiletto, is your best option - form.  If you are going out dancing, then your initial thought might be function, but you feel sexier in a pair of fierce heels, so form wins. 

All of these things race through a woman’s mind as she is getting ready for the day/night.  She must work through those internal challenges to find the perfect shoe for the event – and chances are she nails it 99% of the time.  We aren’t perfect, and sometimes we choose the wrong shoe, in which case a night could be ruined by constant complaining and tears.  But we are allowed a misstep (pun intended) every once in a while.  So men, instead of getting angry with your women when they come home with a box (or seven) of shoes, think of it as an incredible decision-making feat your lady is about to overcome, and applaud her when she comes down the stairs in what she thinks is the perfect pump – even if we are 15 minutes late!!  Get over it.  At least we look good.